2005-02-23 - 10:03 a.m.
A forced discussion of my last two relationships using the perspective of a cynical old man
K and M
K and I dated for about 6 months.
She's a good girl. Loves her mama. Loves Jesus and America too. She's a good girl, crazy about Elvis. Loves horses and her boyfriend too.
- Tom Petty, "Free Falling"
The last line, is one of my personal favorites.
K and I had a fairly stable, supportive relationship. There were some difficulties. We had alot of different interests and would feign interest in many activities.
I don't know where the change happened but something got switched. No, I know when the changed happened. It could be when I found out dad was sick again. That changed me. I know I became bitter, withdrawn. These feelings of course spurred some depression, anxiety, and in turn isolation.
And in this state, after finding out my dad was sick, she decided to tell me some other guy had kissed her and that she wasn't happy in our relationship. Because of the other guy? She swore she hated him for that. That it wasn't mutual. That she pushed him away. She claims that she didn't tell me because she did not want to hurt me.
Except that she decided to tell me when I was already hurting.
The next relationship was rocky from the start. I knew after a couple weeks of putting alot in the relationship, and getting back nothing in return, that things were not going to work out. I had decided to end it when appropriate. However, as the girl and I had a group project to do, I decided to wait. I also was going through more stuff with my father. He was worse and at the pinacle of his health, had returned home from the hospital, for a 4th time in about 6 weeks.
So I was looking for emotional support from my relationship. After getting very little, I realized looking for something that isn't there does not help one's situation. - how trite an explanation is that? Ugh, I regret even writing it.
6 weeks into the relationship, it was over. I rushed home to be with my dad one weekend. While with my dying father at his hospital bed side. The girl I was with cheated on me with her ex. The ex, she told me was not attractive, though they were still best friends.
She then swore that what she did wasn't cheating. Several of M's friends contacted me, saying I was makign too big of a deal of things.
Her ex, by the way, is an ultra-conservative fop whose very religious. You can see him at mass and her at her habit meetings.
The epitome of hypocrisy. So to summarize.
Last girl friend, M, cheated on me while I rushed home to see my dying father.
Before that, when I found out my father was sick, K decided to tell me another guy kissed her, and then not speak to me for a few days, and ultimately came the break-up.
* Note, I'm not sure who broke-up with whom with K. I know I was the one who said it, but I the credit should go to her.
Despite all this, I'm stronger today than ever. Plus, in my humble opinion, most guys are more screwed up because of relationships than I, while I socially manage to function better.
I really think it's true.
